Author Archives: Christopher Johnson
Author Archives: Christopher Johnson
I’m starting a new business.
I’ve screwed up nearly everything about my old business and I want to build something that’s worth having for a long time.
I’m watching a lot of people fall. I’m not really surprised by any of it. I’ve seen aggressive behavior before. I’ve also (personally) said things that I’d never consider doing these days. Usually flirting or jokes gone wrong, that could make people feel uncomfortable and in hindsight were in poor taste.
I don’t know what the “final” answer is. Is Garrison Keillor’s fall too much? Maybe. Maybe not. I wasn’t there. It’s pretty bizarre to me, his fall.
Is one lousy action, one time, with one person enough to ruin a career?
Does an apology entitle you to anything?
Are there equivalencies?
And, what’s really going on? We see Roy Moore moving the line, conning Christians into supporting Pedophilia (because Mary, the mother of Jesus may have been as young as 12). What will the upshot be?
And, what of people that reform? I don’t have massive skeletons. But I have things I regret saying to others. Times when I surely came off as a creep. I’m not owed the comfort of forgiveness, but what about people who reform, repair relationships and regret the past?
I don’t know the answers. But I’m glad that this is happening because it’s making a better world.
As I’m rebooting myself, I am embracing transparency. Have no real choice. I feel like it’s a pillar of my life, a building block I need in order to make my life the way I want it. Where I’m calling from.
Selective transparency is just bragging. The worst businesses and lives have areas of success.
Sure, to get a boost of confidence, we can highlight those areas. Yes, there is a point in making us feel better. Most of the time when we talk transparency, we talk about financial numbers. I’m set to make $xx per year, our results were $yy per year.
That stuff really doesn’t matter to me. What matters to me is doing what I have committed to doing on a daily basis. Building a business. Publishing. Living on a calendar. Reading. Resting. Increasing my grip on reality.
Being accountable to a result. Being radically accountable to a plan and process. These things will earn me money.
So the first challenge is to publish on this blog 3 days a week through the end of the year.
This year has been a year of reflecting. I’ve filled journals, written tens of thousands of words. Gone through the five stages of grief from moving to Portland (and losing my zeal for my business).
I’ve read more this year than I have in past years. And I’ve licked my wounds (all self-inflicted) to come out on the other side feeling strong and good.
What follows is the need to rewrite my personal operating system.
There are goals I have that I’m not making progress on. I’ve been coasting. I’ve bought into a delusion. I’ve pursued comforting amusement and ‘stature’ over achievement. I’ve told myself a story that I could do whatever I want.
And, my grasp of objective reality isn’t where I want it to be.
This means that at the end, there is a wide gap between what I mean to achieve in my life and what I’m likely to achieve in my life- unless things quickly are reversed.
I’m 41. And I’ve not really begun to serve in the way I mean to.
I think I’m operating at less than 1% of my capacity. I think I can more than 200x my impact because I have some multiplication by zero effects happening.
I’ve got a mix of things that are working with me.
The normal gen-X stuff: A lazy smirk and a wink. A dash of snark. A little bit of aspirational thinking that doesn’t get translated into results. A burst of creative energy that’s not sustainable, and a cycle of zeal and burnout.
The slacker ethos: I don’t care that much, so I can’t be hurt. Leave before you get left. (The fact is: we’re prevented from doing the real and necessary work, the vulnerable good stuff when we drape ourselves in this bit of delusion).
Too Many Shortcuts The search for hacks and tricks and tactics and shortcuts. Enough hustle to clean up most of the messes I make. Enough good things to keep me from totally crashing. Occasional good years where everything works. A few key relationships that keep me afloat.
Popeye Syndrome: I get my ass kicked for a long time, but I know that in ACT 3, I’ll find some spinach. I get dialed in just in time to “save the day.” Usually. I’ll carry a smug satisfaction through the whole cartoon, a shit-eating grin even when I’m getting knocked around, since I’m denying that this is truly happening to me.
The Need For Affirmation Too often I’ve looked for an ‘attaboy’ without digging in and doing the real work. I wanna be loved! Am I not a blogger? And yet, getting those simple likes/whatever eats into me. So I put out a Bon Mot in a Facebook group and people like it. And I feel good. But that’s so dumb.
Bad Habits It’s been said that the will to win is nothing without the will to prepare to win. 1 I’ve defaulted to a lot of things that don’t support where I wanna go.
Selective Transparency: Which is to say that it’s not true transparency. We crow about where we win, we cover up when we lose. And time goes by and we don’t just do this.
A Run From Reality I have a business that earned some money this year. I’ve gone to great lengths to avoid knowing just how much. There are other areas where I avoid reality. I’ve not embraced reality so I can’t change it. Moving through time randomly.
Focus & Completion Issues I have to be willing to see things all the way through to the end and to find a few hours a week to truly focus. I have to develop that for itself as its own skill, and stick to a system that supports it. Schedule or otherwise, it’s gotta get done.
Relationship Issues Too often, I’ve chased people away that can do me good. Too proud to accept help, but not committed or capable of doing things on my own.
This isn’t a complete list, and I’m concerned more about what I need to do better than what’s working right, right now. I’m unconcerned about what’s working well; in broad strokes:
I’ve clung to an obsolete style that I don’t care about. The old saying: we spend our times working in jobs we hate to buy things we don’t want to impress people we don’t like.
I’ve got this belief that I can 100x myself by changing my way of thinking and interacting with the world.
The end starts with the goals.
These should be sane and fun to do.
I have to build an operating system that supports that. I have to change my way of thinking, embrace deep work and remake myself into a person that can get this done. This will likely take 18 months. It could take longer.
I have to relearn the way I sell, the way I connect with people, maintain relationships. I have to define what I mean by “integrity,” “focus” and such. I have to drive to my mission and not anything else.
That’s it. This is a 2.0 time for me, or 3.0. It’s a time for a massive reinvention. I’ve had the year to heal and to make forward progress, so now it’s time to make it all happen the way I want.
I’m less certain about what I’m meant to be but I think more dedicated and capable of being that thing. It falls to me to go do it.
One of the quests I’ve had lately is to get better at playing Racquetball. I’ve rediscovered it and enjoyed playing the game. It’s mostly a game of skill, and my acute lack of footspeed isn’t a disqualifier like it is in basketball.
I bought a book as an add on from Racquetball Warehouse.It showed that I had a bad swing, and a bad grip. The combination of a bad swing and a bad grip meant that I was torquing my shoulder. The shoulder was hurt a lot.
I had good timing so I was winning some matches.
But I couldn’t play two days in a row. And I was using a TON of energy. So I had to change my grip. It was painful. I had a grip that was ‘not great’ but I was used to it. So I switched to the recommended shake hands grip. I had grabbed the thing.
This far in, I decided to keep going. And so I changed my whole swing. This from the “random” swing that I had to something that was the way it was supposed to work.
A few hundred “drop and hits” later, I had a working swing.
The biggest difference: with much less effort I’m generating the same power. I don’t yet have the timing dialed in like I did on my “bad” swing, but I can effortlessly hit a good, accurate shot about 85% of what I could hit it at when I was locked in. With good form the margin for error is wider. I’ve occasionally had everything come together and hit serves and shots with really impressive power, harder than I’d ever done it before.
The more astonishing thing was that this didn’t take long. About 3 hours – total – of practice spread out over about 2 weeks. Drop and hit drills from 9 positions on the court, hitting 3 shots (down the line, cross court and pinch).
The current drawback is that I’ll go for stretches of a match and be very “lost” having had old habits show up, and I haven’t dialed in a method to slow down and correct things. This results in stretches of comically poor shots. It’s sometimes hard to diagnose in a match. Going forward I’ll try “early prep, trigger finger, follow through”.
I was much worse for about a week. About the same a week later. Now I’m certainly better than before. Everything is coming together better than it had been. I don’t have shoulder pain and I can play 3 days in row at nearly 42 years of age.
And I’ve only worked on my forehand. With one drill.
The next step will be to do the same thing for my backhand, and then to add the rest of the drills to a practice session.
I was having a conversation the other day with a friend. Her premise was that artists all eventually got corrupted and sold out. There was a hint of contempt—or even pity—on those words. That this was just what happened in a lifecycle.
There was the egg stage, larval stage, starving artist stage and finally, pretentious Dbag stage. We all secretly liked our indie band before they hit it big, right?
But what is the point of art, then? Why do we do this? Because we want to inflict misery on ourselves? Because we want to be “pure”? Artists make art to share their point of view with the world. And yeah, hopefully to transfer the emotion, wonder, hope that they can feel to a new audience.
We don’t all want to be John Kennedy Toole, an author who’s work was shared only posthumously. We want to contribute, release our art to the world and let it shape us. We want to find and grow an audience. We want what we make to support us. That’s selling,not selling out. Instead of cultivating contempt for commerce, why not admit what we want?
We all want to work hard. Or do we just want to seem to work hard?
So many times I find myself not productivelyspending office time. I listlessly look at Reddit. Or I look at my burn rate and try to figure how many sales I need to make. Or I’ll scroll through LinkedIn and make some connections. Or I check my analytics for no discernible reason (because I’m not trying to solve a problem).
This is true #hustle, right?
I’m #grinding while you’re sleeping, right?
Nope. I’m mostly just deluding myself. I’m here, doing little of value. Little to advance my interest. It feels like work, and to an outsider it looks like work, but it’s the 80% of the stuff that doesn’t matter. It’s unfocused, unstructured, and constant.
It has all of the bad qualities of work and none of the healthy, productive qualities. It drains me. It makes me think. It induces decision fatigue. But it makes nothing. It resolves nothing.
There are so many thins like this that I’ve done. Make-work projects that feel like work but don’t add value to my business or to my customers. Redoing my logo is one. Agonizing on the move between Quickbooks and Xero is another. And I shudder at how much money that I’ve lost on this stuff. On not being able to summon the intensity needed to resolve the real problems.
My guilt keeps me in the chair, but a better use of my life would be to do what? To go for a run. To play with my kids. To read a book. To finally order a bookcase. All of these things .
So I know that I’ll get private messages giving me advice. I’m gonna resolve this this way:
Each day I’m gonna start with my core four activities.
This is the next component of where I’m going. I’ll have days that I do more of each of these things, but the core four activities will be what I knock out each day.
This will be done first, and the schedule will be:
5a- write or read (alt days)
That’s it. That’s the core four.
I’ve put my own company back on track. It took some doing, and some stubborn optimism. And I’ve started advising other startups, too. All of it is pretty great. I’ve had fun with it.
But, I’ve noticed something. A lot of companies create complexity in lieu of simplicity. They have some idea that the future may require that they have this giant workflow with a lot of tagging, a lot of automation and a lot of work.
But they don’t have the “bones” built to automate.
I was thinking about the things every business needs:
This should be done well manually, at first. Then it can be addressed with automation.
These are just a few. There are some obvious ones, too: people to run it, customers to buy, an email solution, etc. I tried to generalize. Even a hotdog stand (or lemonade stand) has these needs. The goal is to simplify the friction in every area.
If you don’t have this, the first order things done as frictionlessly as possible, you don’t have a lot of business doing other things.